I hate it when men tell me how I can get in touch with them! Hate it, hate it. Used to be it was, "Here's my card." and now it's "Add me on Facebook." Ummm, no. You add ME on Facebook. And if you wanted to talk to me, you'd ask for my card.
I'm not offended that these men don't want me enough to put the minimal effort in- I'm offended that they should expect any effort from me at all. How presumptuous!
Even those that are really, really into me pull this role reversal crap. I dated a guy six months that would say, when we'd part, "Give me a call sometime." I would growl each time at the beginning and say- "Or you could call me?" And he did. Because he really liked me. But even after 6 months, 6 months of relationship that got so practical as calling 3-4 times a day for stuff like, "Hey, could you bring from paper towels with you tonight?" and "What time is the movie?" where it is not implied that I will call him for something, but part of our daily lives and still, AND STILL, "Give me a call sometime." I wanted to stab him everytime he said that. It just reminded me of my Egyptian ex-boyfriend of 3 years who didn't like to commit to anything, even dinner plans. He'd say, "In Sha Allah" meaning, "God willing," a cultural way of saying, "Maybe."
So I'd say, "You'll be over at 3:00" and he'd say, "In Sha Allah, 3:00" which meant, "3:30." Or "We going hiking this weekend?"
"In Sha Allah." Grrrrr...
Wow, that devolved. This was originally about guys insulting me by assuming that I will do their job and turned into an impertinent anecdote about the ex.
Back to my point: I am not gonna call you. I won't find you on the interwebs. Any implication that I should will result in me thinking twice about responding to you when you call or find ME.
I'm not offended that these men don't want me enough to put the minimal effort in- I'm offended that they should expect any effort from me at all. How presumptuous!
Even those that are really, really into me pull this role reversal crap. I dated a guy six months that would say, when we'd part, "Give me a call sometime." I would growl each time at the beginning and say- "Or you could call me?" And he did. Because he really liked me. But even after 6 months, 6 months of relationship that got so practical as calling 3-4 times a day for stuff like, "Hey, could you bring from paper towels with you tonight?" and "What time is the movie?" where it is not implied that I will call him for something, but part of our daily lives and still, AND STILL, "Give me a call sometime." I wanted to stab him everytime he said that. It just reminded me of my Egyptian ex-boyfriend of 3 years who didn't like to commit to anything, even dinner plans. He'd say, "In Sha Allah" meaning, "God willing," a cultural way of saying, "Maybe."
So I'd say, "You'll be over at 3:00" and he'd say, "In Sha Allah, 3:00" which meant, "3:30." Or "We going hiking this weekend?"
"In Sha Allah." Grrrrr...
Wow, that devolved. This was originally about guys insulting me by assuming that I will do their job and turned into an impertinent anecdote about the ex.
Back to my point: I am not gonna call you. I won't find you on the interwebs. Any implication that I should will result in me thinking twice about responding to you when you call or find ME.
2 Comments:
Hmmmm.
My husband is very traditional (Japanese). Until he met me, he had never met a girl who called HIM, and he thought it was weird, but chalked it up to my being foreign.
At a certain point, though, I think it has to be give and take, with both people making the effort.
I can see that- and I agree. I have never let a boyfriend pay for everything. I have always had a give and take relationship in that regard. It was never dutch, because we were an item, but some dates he paid for everything and some dates I paid for everything so it was pretty much like we were paying for ourselves, but less crass. It typically was that the person who made the suggestion to go out offers to pick up the tab, but since I don't ask men out, in the beginning that is always him.
I guess what I'm saying is that certain point you speak of, for me, it's when we've declared ourselves an item. There is no pursuing, but we are in a relationship. Then I will call- but until we're a couple, I don't put the work in. Men will accept what is easy and you can end up in a relationship, even marriages with men that didn't care enough about you in the first place to pursue you. I've seen it. And men will be with women out of conveinence or comfort so I refuse to be conveinent so early. So if he isn't floored by me enough in the first place to do the calling or he doesn't have the balls to call- it ain't happening.
Then again, this is the philosophy of a 28-year-old single women who has never even been engaged, so what the hell do I know...
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